


The Fortunate End of the Mustang Mustache Era

by Calla_Lilies



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: F/M, Mustache, Royai - Freeform, fma brotherhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 09:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1774450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calla_Lilies/pseuds/Calla_Lilies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy Mustang has made a horrible mistake: that mustache. Riza and half of HQ can't understand it. And frankly, Hawkeye can't stand it. So she takes matters into her own hands when she gets the chance. For Royai Day 3: Opportunity</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fortunate End of the Mustang Mustache Era

It all started when Fullmetal, bored and a little peeved at being hauled back to Eastern HQ to formally resign his commission, picked up a pen.

When Mustang saw his handiwork he shook his head and commented that even if the kid could be wiser than his years, Edward Elric could still be a little shit. When he looked at the defaced newspaper a second too long and his expression turned speculative, Riza should have known what was coming. 

As it happened, Hawkeye was as surprised as anyone when Mustang showed up the next Monday with (a somewhat feeble attempt at) a mustache. In fact, she initially thought it was a mistake.

-

Riza tried to hide her smile, but failed miserably. Feigning ignorance, Roy raised a quizzical eyebrow. “You missed a spot.” She said, trying to stifle her laughter as she indicated her upper lip.

He let her laugh for a moment before responding. “Oh, no, I thought I might try a mustache.” Riza continued to smile, but her expression faltered as Roy failed to laugh.

“You’re not serious?” She asked, surprised.

Roy shrugged. “I thought it might be time for a change. Besides, maybe it’ll make me look a little more my age.” Riza stared at him, then tilted her head to the side as though trying to imagine it. Roy had long been concerned that people didn’t take him seriously because he looked even younger than he was. Finally, she crinkled her nose in distaste.

“Not a fan?” Roy guessed cheerfully.

“No, sir."

Roy shrugged. “I think I’m going to give it a little time. Who knows? Maybe it’ll grow on you.” Riza stared at him in disbelief as he donned his jacket and headed for the door. He was really going out in public looking like that?

She shook her head in wonder, muttering as she grabbed her coat to follow him. “It growing is what I’m afraid of.”

-

A week passed, and then another few, and Hawkeye and half of Headquarters remained perplexed. For someone usually so conscious of his appearance, Roy Mustang was making a drastic mistake.

Riza thought he’d finally give up before his speech at the Academy’s commissioning ceremony, there would be cameras, for goodness’ sake. But the day came, bulbs flashed, and still the mustache remained.

Hawkeye understood the desire to change things up. She herself was considering growing her hair out again. Still, some things just didn’t work, and the brigadier general’s mustache was one of them.

Finally, she broke down and conferred with the team. They agreed. Something had to be done. The mustache had to go.

-

One afternoon not long after, Mustang heaved a theatrical sigh and wandered out from his office to the space the rest of the team shared. Riza sighed a little herself, resigned to being distracted for at least a little while.

“I’m starting to think you were right, Hawkeye. I was going for a more mature look, but I’m not sure the mustache is working for me.” He spoke loudly enough for the whole office to hear, and Riza flicked a glance around the room before responding. Havoc nodded. This was an opportunity they couldn’t afford to pass up.

“No, it really doesn’t, sir.” She spoke matter-of-factly. She had warned him.

That caused Mustang to smirk, and Hawkeye knew she’d walked into a trap. “What do you think might work better, Hawkeye?” It was a challenge. It was a good thing she already had a plan; she was not letting this chance get away from her.

Hawkeye rose from her seat. “I’ll show you.” She had to conceal her smile at Roy’s perplexed look. He clearly hadn’t planned for this. She crossed the room to take the tin Havoc offered. The soldier didn’t bother hiding his grin.

She let him enter his office first then closed the door behind them. “Sit here.” She directed, and Roy obeyed immediately, looking intrigued.

When he was settled, Riza set to work quickly, before she was tempted to back out. This wasn’t technically necessary. She could have just told him he looked better with his hair slicked back, as he sometimes did for formal events, and that might have been the end of it.

She ran her hands through his hair, front to back, unable to resist letting the tips of her nails just barely scrape his scalp. It was indulgence, Riza knew, and really only taunting them both, but as Roy tilted his head back towards her, she couldn’t find it in herself to care.

Too soon, she was done, and they were at the small wardrobe in the corner of his office, checking Riza’s work in the small mirror on the door.

“I always thought I looked like a schoolkid whose mom had him all dressed up for something with my hair slicked back like this.” Roy confessed. “I only bother to do it because that’s what Chris always did for special occasions.”

Riza shot him an incredulous look in the mirror. ‘Schoolkid’ was definitely not one of the many descriptors that came to her mind on those rare occasions. “I assure you, you do not look like a schoolkid.”

The brigadier general raised an eyebrow at that, but Riza knew he wasn’t doubting her words. She felt her face flush.

“Anyway,” he said cheerfully, turning away from the mirror to face her properly. “Have you thought about changing things up at all recently?”

Riza stared, dumbfounded first by the quick turnaround, then his idiocy as she began to understand what was going on. She opened her mouth a few times to speak, but closed it again each time, unable to give voice to her thoughts. Finally, she spoke, incredulous. “This was all because I cut my hair?” By the last word, her voice had mounted to just below a shout. “Are you a CHILD?”

“Clearly, no.” He laughed, indicating the awful mustache. Her lips were set in a firm line, but she had to fight to keep them that way. One corner of her mouth twitched upward and then she was laughing too, even as she shook her head.

“You’re impossible.”

“You don’t mind that much if you’ve stayed all this time.” He countered. A pause filled the room with silence for a moment as she rolled her eyes. “Please?” He wheedled, throwing her his best puppy-dog eyes. “You started to a few months ago.” The puppy-dog look was even harder to resist without his hair falling in his face.

Riza fought a smile at his antics. She had started to grow her hair out earlier that year, but changed her mind so soon she didn’t think anyone would notice. Recently, she’d been thinking about trying it again, and if letting it grow for at least a while got that foolish thing off his face, it was a small price to pay.

“Only” Roy visibly perked up at this. “if you shave that awful thing off and give the new hairstyle a chance.”

“Gladly!” He chirped. He’d gotten what he wanted too, Riza suspected, and she knew better than to allow him time to bask in his victory. 

“And finish your paperwork.” She followed, looking pointedly at the piles of paper on his desk.

Still grinning, he picked his pen back up. “That was a given."

-

And that, dear readers, is how Riza Hawkeye ended the unfortunate mustache era, and ensured that the Academy photos would be the only proof it had ever happened at all. If they knew of her role in it, the women of Amestris would also thank her for our fuhrer’s very becoming hairstyle.


End file.
